around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
