There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
NoShamevember. You game?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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