I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
