he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
