i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
