im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
