I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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