there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
