He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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