You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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