we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
