Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
