I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
