We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
