I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
