After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize