Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
