I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
