Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
