her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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