You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
