Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
