Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
