I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
