my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
