his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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