I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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