at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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