it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize