I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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