i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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