Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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