just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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