I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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