Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
kristin has been a bad kristin
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
