cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
