So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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