Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
