dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
