I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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