the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
