my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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