Soap is not a condiment
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've blown a few things in my day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
