kristin has been a bad kristin
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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