the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
