I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
