and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
