I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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