he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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