my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
