Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
