You work out of a Hotel?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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