were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
