My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
