im drinking this country out of the recession.
I want to make a zoo with you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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