My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
