well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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