THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
