im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
