Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
