He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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