I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
