oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
