Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
