Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
