i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I met the friendliest cop last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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