You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
