Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so that wasnt chicken after all
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Someone came in the potted fern
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
